I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
