i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
