he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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