He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
