Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
