Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
