it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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