Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
