Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
