sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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