im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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