I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
