we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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