I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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