Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
