When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
