I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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