Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
