Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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