Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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