We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
