I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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