Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
