Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
