Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
