and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
