Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
