all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
