best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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