He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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