Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
