if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
