I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
