My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
