the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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