Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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