nut hugger
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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