I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
