Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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