Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
