And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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