stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
