Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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