girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
