Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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