roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
