Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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