I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
