Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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