Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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