Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
