i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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