I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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