i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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